Monday, April 7, 2008

Shyness

In the little blurb I have posted in the “about me” section of my profile, I describe myself as a somewhat shy girl. Occasionally people will comment in email that it’s hard to believe because I work as a spanking model and seem to have no problem posting pics and videos where my bare bottom gets spanked, but it’s true. Ask anyone that has met me in real life and they will vouch for me!

When faced with a group of people I get nervous. Ask me to speak to a crowd or conduct a meeting and I may well dry-heave. I tend to be quiet around people I don’t know well. If I’m uncomfortable or uncertain of someone, I get even quieter. Bratting and playful banter is saved until I know a person well enough that I’m reasonably assured I’m not going to cross a line and truly offend. And while I love going to spanking parties and meeting so many wonderful like-minded people, I get worked up about it days, weeks, even months ahead of time. I have fears and insecurities like practically everyone else that attends such events, but I always end up having a good time and fond memories after the fact.

While out in Vegas for my shoot with Shadow Lane, I was talking to Tony about the matter and why it is that I can reveal my bare bottom and get spanked on the internet (not to mention recording the scene live in front of at least a handful of cast and crew members), but I can’t handle giving a speech to a room full of people fully dressed. Tony suggested that being spanked in the context of a scene allows me to be someone else for a little while. Not unlike my love of costumes, I get to slip into someone else’s skin for a bit and play the snotty loudmouthed brat that is practically begging for a good spanking.

I think that may be a part of it, but even when not doing a scene or role playing, spanking allows me to really break out of my shell. It gives me the opportunity to bring out the playfully naughty, sassy side of me that is repressed in other situations. It’s a perfect chance to let go, be a little mouthy, and kick and fuss as I pay the price.

Perhaps if I were spanked right before having to stand up and give a presentation, the endorphin rush and momentary confidence would carry me through so that I could speak up with ease. But on second thought, let’s not put that theory to the test. Skip the speech and just spank me anyway.

25 comments:

Smallhanded said...

So how would you react if somebody put you in the corner of a crowded restaurant? Just curious... :)

Richard Windsor said...

I certainly don't know if I have any answers for you, but I can vouch for you being shy!! I remember that I was on the set when you did your first 'Pixie's Previews', talk about nerve wracking!! Not that we watched it because everyone had to leave the room, lol.

It must be hard for people to comprehend that a spanking model is shy, but then again I think it is hard for people to understand that you really are the girl next door. Quiet, very humble, shy, with just the right amount of glint in your eye ;-)

Mind you, I also remember you baring your bottom in Kinematics for a swat of the tawse so I don't know what to think, haha.

Shy, yes, but I also think you are a very confident young lady. I just wish that everyone was as humble as you are though, that is one of your strongest qualities :-)

Richard Windsor.

prajnaparamita said...

A lot of actors are chronically shy and can only open up because they are playing a part. As a kid I was awfully shy; I still am. But I am okay doing public speaking because, when I am in front of a crowd, I take on a new persona and, in this persona, I am calm and confident. Some of the most confident and self-assured people in the world actually have no talent or intelligence. I think it is a function of sensitivity and artisitc creativity to be a little shy. Shy is nice :)

Kat said...

I understand how you feel Pixie! I am actually very shy in real life but I have a blast letting my inner brat out on the internet. Perhaps it is the security of knowing that people aren't watching. I am very scared meeting new people but once I warm up to them I can never shut up! :-D

I think shyness gives a special 'sweetness' quality to a person and provides a halo to help hide those horns! ;-)

Anonymous said...

What a cute picture. :-)

I am sure you're going to get a lot of responses to this one, because so many people will relate. No one believes me either when I say I'm actually a shy person, because my online and video personality is so in-your-face. But that spanking persona is kind of my alter ego, I think. It's the most confident, happy side of me, coming out to play. However, put me in situations where I'm not comfortable (like pretty much anything with people involved) and I can turn into a wallflower.

Ask John what a freaking nervous wreck I am for weeks before the Shadow Lane parties, even though I love them and wouldn't miss them for the world. I mean, the man even made up a little song for me called "Panic the Cat" (sung to the tune of Felix the Cat). And no, I'm not going to recite the lyrics!

When you are giving a speech, you have to look directly at a sea of faces riveted on you, and look people in the eye. I find that agonizing. However, in a roomful of spanking people, or in front of a camera and crew, I don't have to look at anyone -- all I have to look at is a bedspread or carpet or whatever. I can feel the energy, but I don't have to acknowledge everyone's presence. It's a huge difference.

Something else I think we may share in common -- you strike me as someone who is hyper-responsible, who does everything she needs to do and then some, who shows up when she needs to, who gives 110% to whatever she has to do. This is a good thing, but dammit, sometimes, we just want to let go and be BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! :-) -- Erica

ascuseme said...

Pixie, I completely understand your difficulty with public speaking. I have huge problems with stage fright before every performance...which is a serious issue, because I sing for a living. The best way for me to get over my stage fright is to be spanked before going on. Of the things I have to accomplish before I perform at a gig, a spanking from Razor is top of the list. This works for me because it demonstrates how much Razor loves me, takes care of me, and will always be supportive of me and my career. It's a vital part of my pre-performance check list. For me, the spanking is more important than hair, make-up and wardrobe, and equally as important as a good vocal warm-up.

It really works! Just ask Razor ;)

Hugs,

Katie

David 007 said...

Rumor has it that's how Carly Simon gets through a concert. She somehow gets a spanking before going on stage to sing. It's unconfirmed of course.

I've never been shy myself, as you well know, but I remember the first time we met that you were very shy. It's ok sweetie. You know your fans and friends love you (HUGS). Great post as always.

Chloe Elise said...

"skip the speech and spank me anyway"
i love it. i can certainly vouch for little miss shy wells over there. and i'm sure she can vouch for me that i'm little miss not shy. haha. though my first grade teacher seriously asked my mom if i had a voice box, i was that quiet. got that out of the way when i was young.... wheeee!

Dr. Ken said...

Dear Pixie,
I can certainly relate. I'm quite shy, myself--I can go to spanking parties, but the vast majority of the time I get to play because some lady takes the initiative to ask me if I want to spank her! This is true even with ladies that I've known and played with for years. It's gotten a little easier, but not much!

Dr. Ken

Winchester said...

Thank you for sharing this insight into your inner self. You are by no mans alone. I know many who have to speak in public who find shyness a very great problem - and for years I was one of them. Yet my job entails a great deal of public speaking. For some time my way out was to close my eyes when speaking - which I learned later from a psychologist meant that I was actually communicating with no one! If I am unsure of my subject or of my audience I still tend to do so - although I have learned over the years to make eye contact as far as possible. When on stage (I act) of course the lights are usualy strong enough to stop the audience being seen - but then I am not being myself, but the character whose part I am playing. I have breathing exercises which help - buit I am not sure that spanking would help me one way or another (I mean giving, still less getting, a spanking!)

You are not an exhibitionist which is one of the reasons so many people are fond of you: I wonder whether bratting would be easier or less easy if fuelled by a little alcohol - but as you don't drink, perhaps that is a question that should be asked of Chloe!

Anonymous said...

Pixie bet ya feeling like or already knew you were not alone. cause other people shy just like you.

well i am shy and been shy my whole life but i am ok once i get know somebody then i talk away and we become better friend or person to each other. heck i tell people online i chat with i am shy they don't belive me they tell me ya not shy with me.

another bad thing about being shy is if you want spanked or spanking or ask somebody to give you a spanking you can't ask cause ya shy or nervous. so you would have to get over it and ask them cause person would not know.



mike

Steve (UK) said...

There’s been a discussion recently on another blog about the way spanking models ought to behave at gatherings, and I’d say that being a naturally shy person is probably no bad thing in your profession.
It must also help when it comes to dealing with vanillas who don’t need to know, as I guess they would never suspect anything.

As for being spanked before addressing a crowd, this reminds me of the ‘presentation’ training courses - which I studiously avoided ever having to go on - at a former workplace of mine.
Those attending were required to prepare a five minute talk, and a half-hour talk. (A bit like the Monty Python ‘argument’ scene.) You had to give the talks in front of all the other attendees, and the half-hour talk was videoed, then played back for everyone’s amusement and your embarrassment.
I’ve never been afraid of standing up and talking to a roomful of people, but being videoed would have freaked me out. I hate even appearing in people’s home movies. (I don’t mind being photographed, it’s just movies.)
I never heard of anyone getting spanked before giving their talks, though.
Now, for a five minute talk, I suppose five minutes OTK would be about right. But half an hour? I guess some sort of attention-getting implement would be needed. Which one would you suggest?

Anonymous said...

Pixie,

This is a great post! I know a lot of people out there will be able to relate. It's interesting to see how different people cope with shyness.

I can completely relate to how you feel. I am extremely shy around other people, sometimes even after I get to know them well. Heck, I have a hard time ordering a pizza on the phone (I'm so glad the internet exists now!)

I've been known to make myself sick before giving a presentation, speech, whatever. It's nerve wracking. I was a classroom instructor for professional development courses a few years back. Even after three years of it, I'd still get that little bead of sweat roll down my back when class would start.

I do believe others that have commented are absolutely right. It's a lot easier if you can take on a different persona. I made it through teaching by treating it as a stand-up comedy routine.

Whatever it is you do to get by it on camera, you do it well! :-)

Javi

Mark said...

Pixie,

For being shy, you certainly communicate very well! Most of your blogs are enjoyable, but a few seem to me to border on the extraordinary, and this is one. Your writing helps us to connect with you and understand you a little bit. Which ironically may contribute to additional shyness when you meet readers of your blog in person, as they know quite a bit about you and you know nothing about them.

Please consider it high praise when I say that now, more than ever, I would like the opportunity for you to know me well enough for bratting and playful banter

Maybe someday. {grin}

Mark

CindysDave said...

I read somewhere that Carly Simon wanted/needed to be spanked before a concert to overcome her stage fright. So perhaps there is some 'method to your madness'.

It does make a little bit of sense when you think about it.

Hugs,
Dave

Well Spanked Man said...

Pixie, I completely understand about both being fine in front of a camera and also being shy. In my case, of course, we are doing the camera work ourselves so there is no room full of people to be spanked in front of. But that is not the sort of thing that bothers me.

I can film the content, edit it, put it online and hardly have a self-conscious thought about it. But meeting new people is always so hard for me. I worry I will sound stupid or say something offensive that I wouldn't if I knew them, but then I don't know a thing about them so what can I say.

Thebes

Kate James said...

I have to say that I can 100% relate. I tend to be extremely shy in front of people I don't know, and more so in front of vanilla people I don't know.

2Good said...

I for one am glad you have this outlet and that choose to share it with all of us...your work on PB and the words in this wonderful blog. One of my hobbies involves performing for an audience, yet I often have trouble maintaining eye contact with people, esp. when I meet someone new. Shyness doesn't always make sense and it's different for everyone. Each person has their own comfort zone.

Don't you just love surprising people by doing or saying something they see as so uncharacteristic of you?

Tim said...

This reminds me of that age-old piece of wisdom for giving a public presentation: "Just imagine that the audience is naked and red bottomed."

Hmm, wait, maybe I'm misremembering that.

Curtis said...

I do a lot of public speaking and the simplest way to feel at ease is to have someone in the audience you know and act like you're talking to him or her. I once got this advice for a television interview about which nervous was a tame word for what i felt, and it worked.

Anonymous said...

I won't depart from the advice so many have given, which is to adopt a character or alter-ego through which you can act, except to say it boils down to how much you can disassociate your *self* from the moment. This is what I think Thebes was alluding to when he described himself as not being "self-conscious" during the editing process, and what you are acutely experiencing when meeting new people, etc.

Carly Simon may be sitting at her piano soaking in the Afterburn (a topic that bears revisiting), but she's on autopilot by then anyway, having spent untold hours in rehearsals, and can benefit from the distraction. Most people don't have that kind of preparation before giving a speech, and you are, I think, mentally rehearsing while agonizing over upcoming spanking parties. Meeting new people is entirely impromptu.

You are quite a smart lady, Pixie, and you'll figure out how to achieve the proper level of disassociation from the "now," once you've determined that is what you need to do.

Dreams oƒ Horses

Anonymous said...

Pixie

I speak in front of groups at Disney and the first time I start a new talk I am so nervous. your pixie Previews are very well done you speak clearly and you dont talk a mile a minute. and thats a good sign :)
Just remember your speaking to friends ;)

Duncan

Amber Pixie Wells said...

smallhanded - I would spend the entire time wishing the floor would swallow me up! I don't know how Niki survived.

Richard - Awww. Thank you so much Puppers. :) Yes, I still get nervous when shooting Pixie's Previews, though I have gotten a little better at talking directly to the camera. I still prefer it when everyone leaves the room at least enough so that I can't see them watching me.

I'm sure it wasn't the first time a girl bared her bottom at Kinematics, but that was still a naughty thrill. Tehehehe.

Prajnaparamita - What a wonderfully nice way to look at shyness. :) And I think that is quite something that you are able to take on a new persona when having to present. It is a bit like acting when having to get up on stage and present, isn't it.

Kat - The internet is like our brat playground. >:) I think it's time we polish our halos and sharpen our horns.

Erica - From what I know of you, I think we are very much alike in a lot of ways!!! Are you fussing over the SL party yet? I am. :-S And yes, I spend so much time trying to be good and meet every goal, need, and expectation that it is frickin' wonderful to be bad once in a while ... and pay the price of course.

Katie - I'm sure Razor doesn't mind helping you battle that stage fright when it means spanking your cute bottom!! I think it's fantastic that you never let stage fright get in the way of doing what you love.

007 - I wonder if she includes it on her rider - Ms. Simon requires water, snacks, and an experienced spanker be on hand in her dressing room.

Chloe - Yeah, you know how shy I can be!! Doesn't stop us from having fun or finding trouble though. That would be a true shame.

Dr. Ken - Awww. Does that mean we'd end up standing next to each other awkwardly waiting for the other one to ask to play?
:-/

Winchester - Very interesting observation made by the psychologist. Eye contact and body language speaks volumes above what our voices are saying I guess.

I can certainly brat despite my shyness (though as I mentioned, I am cautious when first meeting someone). And on the rare occasions that I have opted to drink, I haven't found that I've gotten any more extroverted. I'm still just me, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

mike - There is comfort in knowing there are lots of others out there that are shy.

Steve (UK) - Hahaha. You sound like me in avoiding the presentation training. I managed to convince my college advisor to allow me to take a visual merchandising class instead of public speaking and while in the clinical world, I always managed to have conflicts preventing me from making those presentation seminars.

Hmmm .. a 5 minute spanking for a 5 minute speech might work, but if I were required to do a 30 minute speech, I don't think it would matter how long or what I was spanked with. I'd still dry-heave.

Javi - Thank you! Being on camera (as long as I don't have to speak directly into it) is so different because as Erica explained perfectly, you can get caught up in the scene and forget it's being filmed at all. But standing up in front of a classroom and seeing those eyes on you is something different entirely! Major kudos to you for teaching for 3 years despite your shyness.

Mark - That is so sweet!!! I hope we can get to know each other well enough to brat and play too. :)

Dave - wouldn't you love to see this topic addressed on VH1's Behind The Music??

Thebes - Yup!! That is a pickle. Can't get to know someone without communicating, but communicating is so difficult when you don't yet know someone.

Kate - I never would have guessed you are shy too!! You always seem so bubbly and outgoing. :) It really is interesting how so many of us struggle with shyness but are able to be so open at the same time.

2Good - Good point. Shyness seems to have a way of affecting us all differently.

Tim - If I imagined them all naked and red bottomed, I'd probably be far to distracted to remember what it was I was supposed to talk about.

Curtis - I'll keep that trick in mind!

Dreams of Horses - Sometimes I wonder if I don't actually dissociate too much. Even sometimes when I'm trying to talk to the camera it's as a part of me is rambling on while another is listening, shaking her head going "what are you saying?!?!". Maybe it's my inner critic that needs the spanking most.

Duncan - :) That really made me smile. I am indeed speaking to friends. How wonderful is that?! :)

Dr. Ken said...

"Dr. Ken - Awww. Does that mean we'd end up standing next to each other awkwardly waiting for the other one to ask to play?
:-/"

Dear Pixie,
Very probably. LOL
If we ran into each other at, oh, SL or some such party, I can already hear my brain telling me, "Oh, you know how popular she is, she must be so busy, she must already know so many people here and have a full dance card. Plus she probably has to watch the PB vendor's table, maybe some other duties. Heck, she might even be shooting a video for SL. I'll just say "hi" and not make any demands on her time...."
:-)

Dr. Ken
(Stupid brain!)

Salad Sister said...

I think you should try the spanking before meeting people thing.... I did...

There was a time when I was too shy to go to dinner on a date, but meeting up with someone who enjoyed spanking was easy and fun.

I let loose with my character, earning me a hot bottom just a day before I went on a first date, and met the man I eventually married. :)

I'll have to try the whole "spanking before speaking" thing. Sounds like a great new therapy, to me.