This post was inspired by an email I received in response to what I wrote about on my blog yesterday. The person that emailed me said that since I enjoy spanking, I must have delibrately gone hiking without taking all of the proper precautions for the very purpose of getting in trouble and winding up with a red bottom. But truthfully, that's not the case.
I didn't end up getting spanked for this incident or really in much trouble at all. I was pleasantly surprised not to receive even much of a lecture this time around, so perhaps my own guilt and worry was punishment enough.
But let's say that I had been spanked. Would I have enjoyed it? Felt accomplished that I managed to get my boyfriend to once again put me over his knee? Absolutely not. While I greatly enjoy spanking, the emotion, intent, and reason behind the spanking makes all the difference. A punishment spanking is completely different from a fun "just-because" spanking or one received for playful bratting (like teasing or mismatching all of his black and navy socks). Even if the spankings were equal in every way - position, implement, intensity, duration - it's the mental aspect that makes all the difference.
I've heard some people say that you can't spank a spanko for punishment and that spankings should be withheld as a lesson instead. But for me, true disciplinary spankings are ones that I don't want and they are in no way enjoyable or desirable and every bit a punishment. The dread, the guilt, and the disappointment in my own actions are all wrapped up into the spanking as I feel the disappointment, upset, and worry being conveyed by my partner. The spankings seem to hurt more even if they are not a bit harder than some of my firmer play sessions. It's the mental and emotional aspect that wakes every nerve in my body and ensures that I feel each smack ten times more than normal. I'm far more likely to cry from these spankings, again, not because of the physical intensity, but from the emotions that are tapped into.
While punishment spankings are not something that I desire (as in I'm not about to purposely get myself in trouble just to earn one) if done right, they also allow me to feel cared for. It says that I'm worth the time and the sore hand to get through to me that I'm loved and need to be safe or have boundaries or take care in some way. If given the choice, I'd much rather be spanked for a misdeed than to be dismissed, yelled at, or emotionally separated such as through the silent treatment. The message comes through a lot clearer for some reason when I'm red and bottom up anyway and I think that's because it is simultaneously communicating that my actions were not acceptable but I'm definitely cared for enough to be corrected.
Spankings can be so different based on the numerous key aspects that comprise each one. And since for me at least, an earned and undesirable punishment spanking is vastly different from a playful spanking, I think I can safely say that I'm one spanko that can be effectively spanked for discipline and truly learn a lesson.
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9 comments:
Hi Pixie,
That is a very honest revelation. I believe every word of it as I experience (as a spanker) the same. There is a distinct difference between fun and punishment spankings.
When you love your spankee however, are in a relationship it is sometimes harder. A love(fun) spanking is highly arousing. A punishment spanking not that much. But in the process, seeing her paying for her sins, over your knee and with an increasingly red bottom, makes it very hard NOT to feel for her at the end. Her tears, her penitence makes me loving her even more than I already did.
And these feelings of genuine love closes the circle again. I like to make up and love her...
When you start playfully in a fun spanking, sex is almost unavoidable,
A punishment spanking might start with a different intention: "I'm going to teach you a lesson, young lady..!!" but ends the same as after the spanking is over, I want to pamper, cuddle and comfort her. Sex will almost surely follow.
I know that the lines are very, very thin. That's why I appreciate it very much that you dare to address this issue.
It's all a matter of the mind, I believe.
I'm only talking about spankings in a relationship. I can imagine that a punishment spanking or a fun-spanking given by a friend is a different story again. I have spanked a few ladies, just for the fun of the spanking with no sexual tendency at all, as we both knew that there was no room for that. Simply not wanted.
Fascinating subject!
Love and XXX, Funbun
I cannot agree more! Fun spankings are just that: Fun! And they automatically lead to caressing, licking and kissing of the red glowing buns! It's no surprise that making-out and making love is often the result of a good spanking!
Thanks for the complement on the Images I sent you. As for jumping on a plane, keep in mind that California is not elevation challenged! All of the lakes I sent you are usually covered in ice and snow till the end of June. As for your punishment, you are absolutely right: though the spanking takes place on your bottom, what plays in your mind can vary quite a bit with the same force applied. Though usually I do find that a shorter warm-up can easily make one spanking far different from another. Let people know when you are headed out on a hike! And yes, receiving a punishment for this reason demonstrates someone truly cares for you! -Eric
I can totally understand what you mean by this Pixie.
When I am punished for REAL reasons the spanking takes a totally different turn not only physically but mentally.
Just knowing that someone cares enough to set me straight, does wonders for my soul.
Wonderful blog Pixie!!
~funny brat girl (maria)
Very interesting! Well, I do think you should write a 'how-to' manual for semi-newbies such as myself.
On a side note, this is one of the finest, most insightful and intriguing spanking blogs I have seen.
:-)
Warmest regards,
Dave
I'm another such spankee that can separate a discipline spanking from the fun ones. I DO learn something from punishment spankings and they ARE effective for me. I've never understood why others can't accept that...but I get questioned about that a lot.
Ruby
For many spankos, ~the idea~ of a punishment spanking is very exciting. It's a big turn on, perhaps even a part of sexual fantasy. So, why reward bad behavior by fulfilling the fantasy?
The answer is, in our opinion... the reality of a discipline spanking is far different from the fantasy. Both physically and mentally. You did a great job talking about the mental aspect.
In the fantasy, the misdeed is not the focus. There are no feelings of guilt in a day-dream. No realization that you've actually disappointed, or upset your mate/spanker. When the fantasy becomes reality though... those 'bad' feeling are very much at the front of things. For Suzy, these feelings are powerful enough that she'll sometimes cry before the spanking.
And then for many, the spanking itself is a reality that's a lot less appealing when it's actually at hand. It hurts, stings, burns... and aches. It's something that goes on too long, and is too hard. Quick proof of this is, ask someone that's just been given a discipline spanking if they'd like some more!
Really, the fantasy isn't... deep down... about the spanking at all. It's about the love and care someone has for you. Deep enough to want the best for you... and the resolve to hold you accountable when you fail to do your best.
If this was just about getting your ass spanked really hard... you don't have to do something wrong. You could just ASK to get a really hard spanking.
lovely post... lots to think about,
:)
~Todd & Suzy
Thank you everyone! Your feedback and insight on this subject is fantastic. It's always great to be able to share and exchange thoughts with enthusiasts that enjoy any of the wide variety of ways we incorporate spanking into our lives.
Most spanko fantasies, and stories, are disciplinary. We find that intensely exciting even if real punishment is not at all arousing.
I have never heard of consenting adults who employ punishment spankings who are NOT spankos; that suggests to me that there is a deep sexual connection, even if sexual feelings are suppressed in this particular type of spanking.
I am a male spanko in a happy long-term marriage with no experience of giving punishment spankings and no desire to. Yet my fantasies are disciplinary, and the most arousing spankings I have ever given my wife are mock-serious, where there is a plausible reason (excuse) to spank her, and we can create the atmosphere of a punishment, complete with indignant scolding, etc., even though we know it is a simulated act, a psycho-drama. It is a split-level experience: a punishment drama that "feels real" but that is only safe and exciting because we know it is not punitive but purely erotic.
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